dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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