I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You may now shotgun with the bride
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
