I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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