Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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