I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
