Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
