Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Panties = found
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