Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have demons in me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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