You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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