Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize