When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
