So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
