I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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