And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
