I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I faked an abortion last night.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
