god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
