ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
