tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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