sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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