Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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