You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
