went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
