matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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