My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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