Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
