My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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