Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
