Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
