so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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