So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
being pregnant is like rehab
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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