I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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