theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
