If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Congratulations! We have a period
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