He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
