he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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