Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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