I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I intend to get homeless drunk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
