Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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