Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
