Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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