I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
