Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
