she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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