even my farts smell like vagina
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
