Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you win again, gameday.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
