Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
