Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
