I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
that's an acceptable place to lick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
