i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
