i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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