Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
