there was a trapeze. enough said
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
