I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
