You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
