just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i came on her dog
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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