I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
