everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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