At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
