billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
