Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
