even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
