All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
