dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
