Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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