At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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