Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
