Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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