I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk is not a location!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My feet surprised me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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