Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
