he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do vagina's smell?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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