Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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