I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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