since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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