Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
