I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
