The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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