This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
