I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
