Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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