so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
