Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
