trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
