hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize